Friday, June 24, 2011

Exposing the Fraud

Although it is considered the largest and most widely accepted religion today, Christianity, and it’s numbers, is dwindling at a very rapid rate. Of course, Christians will say it is because of the end times and the devil’s strength is growing. I would say it has a lot to do with the fact that children are not raised with such restrictions as they used to have. This can have its downsides, as much of today’s youth seems to have a serious lack of respect for it’s elders. On the other hand, there is a great open mindedness that is permitted. Still, many of us were not raised to think outside the biblical box.

From birth, we are taught about both God and Santa Clause. One is a magical man who visits all of the children of the world in a single night and brings them gifts. The other is an invisible man in the clouds who hears all of the prayers of the world simultaneously. But while still in youth, it eventually becomes ridiculous to continue to believe in one but expected to continue faith in the other. Both are fairy tales.

Most Americans today would refer to themselves as Christian. Ironically, the majority are far removed from being anything resembling being “Christ-like”, the very definition of “Christian.” I would venture to say that most people who call themselves Christian know nothing about what the bible actually says, aside from the well known John 3:16 and whatever else their pastor or priest may tell them is important for them to know. Most of them never even crack open a bible, yet are comfortable to call themselves Christian because that is how they were raised.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Of course, that’s assuming that the child doesn’t decide to think for himself when he reaches adulthood. Still, generally speaking, raising children to be Christians will most often result in adult Christians. Tell them everyday, from the moment they are born that God is watching. Recite your memorized prayers before dinner and bed each night. This constant bombardment will get the desired results in most cases. Of course there is another name for this practice, and that is “brain-washing”.

The only real way to find the truth of it all is to read everything for yourself. Study the bible from cover to cover and note the contradictions. Study the history of the bible and its provenance, the creation of the bible and the progress of Christianity, outside of the bible. Study other religions, including those much older than Christianity, and note the obvious comparisons and often blatant plagiarism. It is then, that your eyes start to truly open. It is then that you say to yourself, “I’ve been lied to”.

The bible refers to its followers as “sheep” and yet the Christians don’t seem to see how they are being mocked by their own book of faith. Sheep are dumb animals of prey, and they are incapable of making rational decisions. They rely on their shepherd and will follow blindly, even though they may be following straight to the slaughter house.

But then there are those of us who opt to use the brain that we were born with and see through the bullshit. Oh, how frightening, to actually have to think for ourselves instead of just having someone dictate our fate for us! Yet we brave few press onward into the unknown waters. For me, true freedom came from releasing myself from the chains of Christianity that bind and blind the human intellect, as well as creativity. It is amazing what a little study will do to open your eyes. Today, the search for knowledge is much simpler than it ever used to be. With the help of the World Wide Web, anyone can access the greatest of libraries from the comforts of their own home. So since you have that capability, take some time to study the true root of Christianity, by looking 1,300 years before Jesus came around and Egyptians were worshipping a man named Horus. In fact, if you believe that ANYTHING that Jesus did in the bible was special, you owe it to yourself to read about Horus. Their stories are identical, and everything that Jesus did had previously been done. (See my previous blog, "Horus Loves You")

Horus is not the only deity who precedes Jesus and has similar life aspects. Through a little study, one find many deities from Greek, Egyptian and Hindu (among others) religions that were born of virgins and crucified for the sins of man. The point being, just because your families favorite book claims something is fact, does not make it so. It is even quite possible that there never was such a man named Jesus.
Historians and archeologists believe that the four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) were written between 80 and 300 years after Jesus was killed. What this means is that there is no written testimony in existence of anyone who ever witnessed Jesus in the flesh. Even if the gospels are legitimate, they would have had to have been passed down verbally for several generations before they were ever written down. How reliable can that be? Anyone ever heard of the Chinese telephone game?

But let’s just say for the sake of argument that those gospels are legit. Doesn’t it seem somewhat strange that Jesus had twelve disciples, yet only a third of them thought that what Jesus said and did was important enough to write down? And what of Jesus, himself? The bible speaks of him, as a young boy, reading from the scrolls in the temple, which should testify to him being somewhat educated. Why didn’t Jesus, himself, write down what he wanted to say to people and truly secure his wisdom for the people of the world? Could he actually believe that putting all of his teachings and actions in the hands of fallible men was a good idea? If so, he proves himself the fool.

There is so much faith put into this man, yet we see would-be messiahs and self-proclaimed prophets all the time these days without giving them an ounce of consideration. But then again, we can watch these men on television and see them with our own eyes. It is easy to see that they are insane. Perhaps we should remember that when we ponder on the reasons for the Jews and Romans executing Jesus. The testimony of twelve disciples would not account for much by today’s standards. In 1993, the FBI raided and burned down the stronghold of David Koresh, and he had 54 followers who died with him, not including the children. Should those followers be considered any less credible than the followers of Jesus? The Christian would look at David Koresh and say, “Yeah, but he was crazy!” I’m sure those who sentenced Jesus to death thought the exact same thing. 909 followers of Jim Jones drank the kool-aid in 1978 to meet their demise. Yes, some were forced, but certainly not all of them. Many of Jim’s followers believed in Jim just as much as anyone could believe in Jesus. Thus proving that believing is not the equivalent of knowing truth.

The bible has spread to all points of the earth, not by the grace of God, but by holy wars, crusades, and inquisitions. Christians are quick to mention the martyrdom of their biblical heroes, yet seem to forget about the atrocities done in the name of God. Many families who consider themselves Christian today would not be so, had it not been for the dragooning of pagan peoples to forfeit their beliefs by Christian armies. Yet today, Christians still see themselves as persecuted and pass the blame of our world’s troubles onto those who refuse to conform to their religious foolery. After the attacks in New York on September 11, 2001, televangelist Jerry Falwell claimed that the terrorist attack came from God’s anger towards the homosexuals and pagans of America. (Keep in mind that this is the same moron who claimed that the purple tele-tubby influenced homosexual tendencies in children.) Perhaps he forgot that the terrorists viewed the “Christian nation” as the Great Satan and therefore, he was more to blame than those he accused.

The Church of old was well molded in the murderous image of it’s god. Yes, murderous. It’s ironic that Jesus claimed to be God and then preached “love thy enemies”. Obviously, Jesus didn’t know “himself” very well or at least suffered some memory loss. The Old Testament is filled with stories of God wiping out entire nations or getting his minions to do it for him. In Genesis 19, God burns an entire city, including women and children. In Exodus 32, God orders the death of 3,000 Israelites. In Numbers 31, God orders the death of the Medianites, including women and children. In Deuteronomy 3, God orders the destruction of 60 cities. And there are many more examples of God’s treacherous ways to be found throughout the Old Testament. God has proved himself to be a cold-blooded killer to entire nations of people, acting like a giant baby in space who looks down at his toys and says, “If you don’t play with me, I’ll smash you!” I cant say I totally blame him. If I were an all powerful, mythological deity, I would probably blow shit up as well.

This killer of nations is then described in Psalm 102 as ever unchanging. Of course, the whole point of having a New Testament was because there were things in the Old Testament that the unchanging God had to change. So what does he do? He comes down to earth, in human form, born of a virgin and grows up to be a fucking hippie. This former war-monger of a god starts preaching peace and love, telling us to turn the other cheek, love our enemies and forgive those who cross us (3 examples of things he didn’t do in the Old Testament ). Perhaps God never heard of “Lead by example”. Jesus proves to be an absolute contradiction to God. So either the unchanging God did change, or Jesus was a fraud; just another cult leader who was killed and deserves no more respect than any other vagrant.

But that is the brilliant thing about the bible. It can be interpreted any way you like to justify whatever actions you see fit. In Exodus 22:18, God orders the death of anyone who practices witchcraft or sorcery. This single verse led to the execution of thousands of innocent people from the Inquisition to the Burning Times and the Salem Witch Trials.

Then, there is the little matter of sin; the great evil of this world, imbedded in our flesh from birth that we, the plebeians in the sight of God, must learn to overcome in our lives. Unfortunately, God made sin impossible to overcome, as no man is without sin. So why bother trying? If we are born with sin in our lives, doesn’t that make sin our nature. The definition of “nature” is “essential qualities”. No other creature on the planet tries to overcome its own nature. Fish do not desert their scales and fins in an attempt to ascertain flight. They are fish!! It is their nature to swim. It seems foolish to try to suppress our very nature. But if that is your desire, you are in luck! God created a way : Just believe in Jesus and you can reach the empyrean.
I think I’ll remain a proud sinner.

The progenitors of the bible (The Catholic Church) were also kind enough to create a list of the most dangerous sins, commonly known as The Seven Deadly Sins. They are:
1. Lust
2. Greed
3. Envy
4. Pride
5. Gluttony
6. Sloth
7. Wrath
Kind of strange to me that Pride beat out some other wrong doings, such as child-molestation, but then again, we are talking about the Catholics and you know how much those priests love them altar boys! So, here is my insight on the seven deadly sins.

1. LUST (my favorite sin)- Matthew 5:28 says “ But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” If this is true, than I’ve already fucked half the women that I’ve ever laid eyes on in my life! There is not a hetero-sexual man in this world that can avoid lust (really, who would want to?). Every man lusts after women. It is natural, and it happens to be necessary.

The fact is, men are visually stimulated. It’s called “Nature” and it keeps human beings on the planet. Women may have various methods of becoming aroused, but for men, we look at a woman’s body and something primal deep inside of us says “I want to stick my dick inside of that”. Did you ever wonder why men are so attracted to tits and ass? So do we! We do not know why we like what we like. Its just instilled within us. Men are much more in-tune with our “animal instincts”, which is why we can only think with one “head” at a time. Nature instilled those instincts within us so that we would procreate, as is so with all living things. So ladies, if you ever feel that your man isn’t paying enough attention to you sexually, get yourself prettied up a bit, put on something sexy and prey on his natural instincts!

It’s not surprising that the bible would ask you to go against your natural instincts. The better to control you with, my dear. It is certainly not a bad thing to remain loyal to a relationship, should you choose to be in one. But the fact is, men are salacious. Men are going to look and they are going to think about sex. There’s no two ways about it. But is thinking about sex really the same as doing the deed? Ladies, wouldn’t you prefer your man to just look and not touch? Because no matter how you feel about it, he is going to look. Yet the bible says its all the same. Hmmm…

None of us came into this world because of love. This is not to say that your father didn’t love your mother. But love did not make his dick hard, which is mandatory for procreation. Lust did that. You are here because your father had lust in him. Your dad is a sinner.
2. GREED - Greed can be dangerous if it isn’t used with some self-control. But Greed is a great motivator and can be the single difference between a successful man and a vagrant. In most work environments, there are the common mid-level employees content with their mediocrity, there are a few bottom-feeders, and there are one or two paragons who strive for the best in hopes of making more money. “Money cant buy happiness” is the mantra of the poor and feeble minded. Money can afford you the lifestyle of your choosing, which will result in happiness. The poor need their mantra in order to overcome their jealousy of those who are wealthy. As comedian, Daniel Tosh said, “Money can buy you a jet-ski. Have you ever seen someone try to look sad on a jet-ski?”

Avariciousness brings out the true nature of “The strong will survive”. It motivates us to get to the top; to make something successful of our lives.

3. ENVY - Envy works hand in hand with Greed. We don’t always know what it is that we want until we see someone else have it. It, also, is a great motivator. Envy says to us, “You can attempt to remain complacent where you are, or you can strive harder to have the status, or things, that that person has.”

4) PRIDE - Pride is only a problem when it is counter-productive. Pride is a right. It gives a sense of self-worth, rather than kneeling at the feet of some mythological being and seeing ourselves as garbage. Pride comes in many forms. Our children know they have done well when they see our pride in them. We excel at work when we take pride in what we do. Lack of pride is the nature of the poltroon. When one’s sense of self-worth diminishes too far, suicide is imminent. Good riddance! Tis better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

5) GLUTTONY - Anyone who has ever eaten more than necessary to survive is guilty of Gluttony. It is a right of the elite. As they say, “to the victors go the spoils”.

6) SLOTH - God only worked for 6 days before taking a day to do nothing. Everyone deserves a little time to relax. The definition of “Sloth” is “slow moving”. Couldn’t that sometimes be referred to as “patient”, which is one of the Seven Virtues? Are elderly people in danger of being hell-bound for driving in front of me in a slothful manner? I would sometimes like to send them to hell in those situations.

7) WRATH - I shouldn’t have to explain any further how God is guilty of this one. He has proven to be Wrath incarnate. How can you be “God-like” if you are not wrathful? Wrath is a part of our nature. If someone harms my children, I will become extremely wrathful. Fuck God if he cant understand that.
Of course, God had already established a list of what to do and what not to do in the Old Testament, long before the Catholics came up with their list of mendacity. Here’s what he said, and my problems with it.

The Ten Commandments

1) “Thou shall have no other gods before me” - Isn’t this as petty as jealousy? God sounds like a callow, spoiled child. Get over it, God.

2) “Thou shall not make any graven images” - But I’m an artist, you douche-bag. That’s what I do! And what about any one who wears a cross necklace? Or how about those Catholics?? They kiss the feet of statues and worship images of Mary.

3) “Thou shall not take the Lord’s name in vain” - Come on, goddamn it!

4) “Honor the Sabbath and keep it holy” - in other words, on Sundays, be as slothful as God was.

5) “Honor thy father and thy mother” - What if your parents abused you, molested you or neglected you?

6) “Thou shall not kill” - like God did, countless times.

7) “Thou shall not commit adultery” - But she’s so fucking hot and her husband ignores her. I’ll just put the tip in, I swear.

8) “Thou shall not steal” - like when God told his people to go in and “take the land”. Isn’t that stealing, God?

9) “Thou shall not bear false witness” - Exactly what the good church-going folk of Salem did against anyone they found undesirable. Claim them to be a witch and burn them!

10) “Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s house, wife or donkey” - Don’t look at me like that! It’s in the bible. See for yourself. I guess if the house is a wreck and the wife is fat, you got nothing left to covet but the donkey. Perhaps boredom in Old Testament days led to the invention of the Donkey Show.

There are plenty of examples from God listed in the bible of how we are all fucking up on a daily basis. And who would know better than God? He is the inventor and instigator of sin. Take a closer look at Genesis some time. Really think about what went down in “the beginning”.

God is supposed to be all-powerful and all-knowing, right? He’s been around for all eternity, which means he’s had a lot of time to think about how to go about all this creation business. Being precognitive, he knew, a million years before he took the first steps of creating the world, what the end results would be; yet he still planted the tree of our doom in the middle of the garden. Was that tree really necessary? Christians will say it was in order for man to have freewill. Couldn’t God have just put up a gate to the garden and said “Anyone who wants to be here can stay. If not, you are free to leave.” That would have been free will. Then there would be no need for saying that we are all responsible for the sins of Adam and Eve. I believe all men should be responsible for their own actions, not the sins of the father.

But God never really gave us a choice. He put the tree in place, knowing full well the outcome. it’s the same as knowing , for fact, that something terrible is about to happen to your child and doing nothing about it. Suppose I build the ultimate playground in the backyard for my children. I include everything you could think of from huge slides, tree houses, rope ladders, sand boxes, and the tire swing. Yeah dude, the fucking tire swing. This playground is the bee’s knees. Now, upon completion of building this playground, I bring out a large sword. I bury the hilt in the ground so that the sharpened blade points toward the sky, and I pour concrete around the hilt to solidify its presence. Then I bring out the children and show them their dream come true. I tell them “All of this is yours but do not mess with the sword or thou shall surely die!” And then I leave them to play.

Now, even if some “snakey” guy comes around and convinces them that it’s a good idea to jump on the sword, is he really to blame?? Aren’t I the asshole who put the sword in the playground in the first place?! But does God take any responsibility himself? Does he man up and say, “Fuck. That tree was my idea. Sorry. My bad.” No. He blames everyone but himself.

Even with this story being the very beginnings of the Christian faith, people tend to look at the devil as the tempter. If God placed the tree there, God is the tempter. Maybe the roles have been reversed all along. Perhaps Satan is the hero and God is the villain. Well, God did tell Adam he would surely die if he ate from the tree, yet Adam lived to be around 900 years old. That seems a little backwards to me. Christians will argue that man was going to live forever before that, but the bible never says so. On the other hand, the serpent tells Eve that if she eats from the tree, she would become wise like God. Obviously, she did get a little wiser at least, because she was too ignorant before this to realize she was naked. Seem as though the serpent was much more honest with Adam and Eve than God was.

God is the tempter. He is the creator of sin and he is a liar. If you say that God made me and that I was born with sin, then the responsibility of my sin is on him. He shouldn’t have made me that way. He has a choice on how he makes what he makes, if he is indeed all-powerful. When human beings reproduce, we don’t necessarily have a choice on how the child will turn out when it is born. An all-powerful God does have that option. He could make each of us without sin. Yet they say that God doesn’t make mistakes and if so then I was made perfect to begin with and my sin nature was what he really wanted; so I should continue to sin. Either God is not so powerful, or God makes mistakes. Or the more likely answer:

God is a fairy tale.

They say that having God in your life will bring you “the peace that passes understanding”. I say, if you buy into this nonsense, without at least doing some serious research for yourself, you are choosing to pass up understanding and wisdom. God is a murderer. He is irresponsible. He is a deceiver. He is a jealous child.

God is a fraud.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Horus Loves You

Today, the search for knowledge is much simpler than it ever used to be. With the help of the World Wide Web, anyone can access the greatest of libraries from the comforts of their own home. So since you have that capability, take some time to study the true root of Christianity, by looking 1,300 years before Jesus came around and Egyptians were worshipping a man named Horus. In fact, if you believe that ANYTHING that Jesus did in the bible was special, you owe it to yourself to read about Horus. Their stories are identical, and everything that Jesus did had previously been done. Allow me to share the comparisons:

Horus was born of a virgin. So was Jesus.
Horus was the only begotten son of the god, Osiris. Jesus was the only begotten son of the god,Yehovah.
Horus’s mother was named Meri. Jesus’s mother was named Miriam (Mary).
Horus’s foster father was named Seb (Jo-Seph). Jesus’s foster father was named Joseph.
Horus was born in a cave. Jesus was born in a stable.
Horus’s birth was heralded by an angel. The same with Jesus.
Horus’s birth was signaled by a star in the sky. The same with Jesus.
Horus’s birth was witnessed by local shepherds. The same with Jesus.
Horus was visited by 3 solar deities. Jesus was visited by 3 kings.
Horus had a death threat by a man named Herut. Jesus had a death threat by a man named Herod.
There is no record of Horus’s life from ages 12 to 30. The same with Jesus.
At age 30, Horus begins his ministry. The same with Jesus.
Horus is baptized in a river. The same with Jesus.
Horus was baptized by Anup the baptizer, who was later beheaded. Jesus was baptized by John the baptizer who was later beheaded.
Horus is tempted on a mountain by Set. Jesus is tempted on a mountain by Satan.
Horus had 12 disciples. The same with Jesus.
Horus performed miracles including healing the sick, casting out demons, walking on water, giving sight to the blind, calming the raging sea and raising the dead. The same with Jesus.
Horus was transfigured on a mountain. The same with Jesus.
Horus gave a key address, known as the Sermon on the Mount. The same with Jesus.
Horus was executed by crucifixion. Sound familiar yet? The same with Jesus.
Two thieves were executed with Horus. The same with Jesus.
After his death, Horus descended into hell. The same with Jesus.
On the third day, Horus rose from death. The same with Jesus.
Horus obtained the title of KRST, which means “the anointed one”. Jesus obtained the title of Christ, which means “the anointed one” (by the way, contrary to popular belief, “Christ” was not Jesus’s last name).
Horus was also known as “the good shepherd”, “the lamb of god”, “the bread of life” and “the son of man”.
The same with Jesus.

Amazing, isn’t it? To think that there were actually two guys in history and religion who did the exact same things in every aspect? Even the names of people they interacted with were the same. Yet Horus well precedes Jesus and was even worshipped in the time of Moses. Does anyone else smell bullshit emitting from the bible? Perhaps its time to start producing t-shirts and bumper stickers stating “Horus Saves”.

Horus is not the only deity who precedes Jesus and has similar life aspects. Through a little study, one find many deities from Greek, Egyptian and Hindu (among others) religions that were born of virgins and crucified for the sins of man. The point being, just because your families favorite book claims something is fact, does not make it so. It is even quite possible that there never was such a man named Jesus.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Judge Not?

Far too often, I hear the phrase “don’t judge me.” It’s time to set aside self-righteous ideologies and begin looking deep within human nature to see reality and forget foolish sheep-monitoring dogma. I would like to set straight the reasons that judgment is not only natural, but it is also necessary.

“Don’t judge me” is the miscreant’s mantra that is based in Christian theology. This is ironic, as Christians tend to be most judgemental people on the planet. They judge everyone and everything that they’re unfamiliar with or are afraid of. They judge homosexuals, pro-choice voters, Muslims, Jews, Democrats, Wal-mart, soldiers who die for the Christian’s right to bitch about those soldiers, Ozzy Osbourne, purple Tele-tubbies, you name it. Then they easily pass the buck to their God, saying it’s he who judges these people.

The fact is, judgment is indeed natural. We all do it on a daily basis. I recently attended a children’s sporting event to watch and support my daughters. There was a man attending who was stumbling drunk (this is on a Sunday afternoon). I quickly judged him as a disgusting, pathetic waste of life and was certain to keep my kids away from him. This is one simple example of a judgment. A judgment is nothing more than forming your own opinion of a person. These judgments are necessary to protect ourselves, our loved ones and our way of life.

I judge the man who cuts me off in traffic as an irresponsible asshole. I judge the customer who complains about my prices as cheap white-trash (or black-trash) who’s looking for a handout, rather than appreciating quality work. I judge the man on the radio who sings with a southern twang as a dumb, inbred, NASCAR-watching sister-fucker. That may seem a harsh judgment, but what do I care? My judgments are my own and are to preserve my way of life.

And I know that many people judge me on a daily basis as well. I seem to be quite talented at offending someone new each day on Facebook, usually some religious fanatic. They judge me to be an arrogant, blasphemous, hell-bound asshole. Oh my, how will I sleep at night? Most likely, I’ve already judge them as ignorant, unsophisticated morons.
We all judge, and it is important to do so. We even appoint people to judge our criminals for us, and we call them JUDGES! Without judgment, murderers would roam free, talent shows would have no victors, and fat chicks would be employed at Hooters.

If you are one to complain about people judging you, then ask yourself why? Why do you care? If something that they said about you really bothers you that much then you obviously see the same defect in yourself that they see and are sensitive about it. Perhaps you should try to fix it rather than fighting via words from ancient books. My favorites are the popular “Only God Can Judge Me” tattoos, usually very popular with incarcerated criminals who have, quite apparently, already been judged. Talk about delusional.

Jesus said, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” I say we let these words rot with his flaccid corpse. Judge great, judge often, and judge harshly. Don’t forget to judge yourself, to be the best version of yourself that you can be. But continue judging those around you to maintain your ultimate lifestyle and to protect yourself. Don’t fool yourself. Every time you walk outside of the safety of your own abode, the world is judging you.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Pseudo-Satanist

Undoubtedly, the word “satanist” had been around since about 5 minutes after the word “Satan” came to be. But make no bones about it, the term “Satanist” as a recognized individual of the established organization/religion came into existence from Anton Lavey and the Church of Satan. There are plenty pseudo-satanic groups that you can find on the internet who will claim pre-existence to the Church of Satan, boasting their pretentious and fictional bullshit of how their teachings were handed down by the “ancient ones“, perhaps even the devil himself. Their facade of a religion is usually composed of dorks who spent more time focused on Dungeons & Dragons in high school than they did on girls. (For the record, I enjoyed Dungeons & Dragons, but pussy was always priority #1) Sometimes they are organized by former members of the Church of Satan, who were disillusioned when they realized that the Satanic Bible wouldn’t help them to conjure up demons to smash their enemies for them, or aid them in gaining entrance to the elusive vagina. When reality sets in, rather than seeing the obvious, that they are losers and will always be losers, they opt to go their own way and form a new organization, where they can be a king surrounded by other losers, as well as fat chicks.

Upon establishment, the pseudo-Satanists will begin by concocting a story of how they were secretly entrusted with the true history and knowledge of Satanism. Then starts a campaign of Lavey-bashing and how he isn’t a real Satanist. (Isn’t that odd? The inventor of Satanism? Not a real Satanist?) They become a walking manifestation of escapism fueled by a creative imagination, faithful and gullible followers, and the influence of one-too-many horror films. They intend to strike fear into the hearts of man when they call upon the name of Beelzebub! Oh, the horror.

In the Christian realm, a former pseudo-Satanist will gain much praise and attention from church-goers when he tells the congregation of his former life as a Satanist priest! Have you ever noticed that they all used to be Satanists priests?? You never hear some evangelist claim, “I was once a Satanist deacon” or “I was a Satanist altar boy”. Watch Bill Mauher’s “Religilous” sometime. On top of being a great movie, you’ll notice that at one point, as Bill is questioning the members of a truck-stop church, one of the truckers claims to have been a former Satanist priest, as if that is a title that they hand out upon becoming a member.

When I was growing up in a Christian family, most of our entertainment had to be Christian-related. We didn’t listen to secular music so we listened to albums by Amy Grant, Keith Green and other Christian artists, including a record by an evangelistic comedian named Mike Warnke. As far as Christian comedians go, this guy was really famous. He started his ministry in 1973 with a book he released called The Satan Seller, in which he claimed to have been a former satanic “High Priest”. He described being part of orgies, rapes and summoning demons. Fortunately, God saved him. He went around the country telling his tale to full houses of believers and eventually obtained a career as a Christian comedian/evangelist whose testimony won thousands to Christ. Oddly enough, it was a Christian magazine that started an investigation into Mike’s life in the early 90’s and discovered that it was all bullshit. He had made it all up. These fabricated stories of former Satanist priests are all too common in evangelism. Allow me to share with you how this comes to pass.
First, you start off with an average dork. He is socially inept. He never fits in with the cool kids. He lacks confidence in himself. He’s never kissed a girl. No matter what he does, he is never accepted. A dork is born a dork, and almost never overcomes his social handicap.

But then one day, after a life time of wanting somewhere to fit in, he is invited to church by some local Christians. They tell him that God will accept him, just as he is. They always say that but its obviously bullshit. The first thing you have to do to get into heaven is change your beliefs and repent. They never tell queers that God accepts them as they are (word on the streets is, God hates fags). But I’m getting off track. Anyway, our dork finally sees an opportunity at social acceptance. So he joins the church and gets involved in every area of church that he possibly can. He tries and tries, but still feels as though no one is paying any attention to him. And that is because they aren’t. I recall that even as a Christian, I was annoyed by dorks, as were many of my old Christian friends. But if that particular dork is observant, he will notice that even amongst Christians, everyone loves a good horror story. If you don’t believe me, just observe the attendance of any church throughout a year‘s time. Notice how whenever they do a study on or watch a movie on Satanism, the attendance reaches its maximum. It never fails. Those people want to hear about all that spooky stuff too; especially the rape parts. Now that’s exciting!

The dork notices this phenomenon. As someone who has been invisible to the congregation for so long, he now knows how to gain their attention. So one day, our dork is in a small group in church and they’re all discussing how they “came to know the lord”. When it comes to the dork’s turn, he gains the attention of everyone in the room by saying, “I was once a Satanist priest…” Suddenly, everyone is interested in him. Everyone in church wants to hear his story, and they want everyone else to hear it too (so they don’t seem like the only perverts around). Before you know it, he’s adored by churches everywhere, as he is asked, time and time again, to tell his tale. People become saved by his lie, so he is able to justify it to himself.

Satanism is great for the church because it gives them a physical devil to be afraid of. I used to love going to church as a kid on that day of the year when they would show the movie about how Satan was using heavy metal music. It was the only way I could hear some of my favorite bands! I remember hearing how Satanists would stalk the high school hallways, looking for the unpopular kids who were lonely and didn’t fit in, and how they would try to recruit them. It never occurred to me that that is actually a Christian tactic. “God will accept you as you are.” The truth is, Church of Satan does not recruit. Unlike Christianity, we Satanists do not believe Satanism is for everyone, and if you’re not clever enough to find it on your own, you are most likely not welcomed anyway.

Pseudo-Satanists are growing in number everyday. The internet allows for so much pretentiousness that anyone can start a club and say that they are the true originators of Satanism. Pseudo-Satanists want you to be scared of them, thinking that they have some power over you. They dress extra scary, and use as many frightening symbols as possible. They give themselves names of demons on their online profiles, as well as titles such as High Priest. But they are not truly scary, for they look like what the average person thinks they should look like, and once its anticipated, its no longer scary. I was always one to dress in all black and have long hair, even as a Christian. Its just my style. I don’t wear black because its evil. I wear black because its sleek and sharp, and it comes in handy that black has a bit of a slimming effect.

Recently I cut my hair short and tossed out most of my heavy metal concert t-shirts, and went shopping for some nicer clothing. I even added some color, including a bit of white. I dress a bit more upscale now, sharper and more sophisticated. People ask me why the change and my response is simple. Because I don’t want to be predictable. Let me put it to you another way. Think of a really good suspense/thriller movie. From the beginning of the movie, you are trying to guess who the killer is, but in a well done movie, its always the character you never thought it would be. Its always the nice, friendly clean cut guy. Then, there is the guy who you did expect to be the bad guy. He had long hair and was greasy and big. He had the look of a killer but he turned out to actually be a good guy. That’s when we see what is truly scary; when the outcome doesn’t go with the plan. Pseudo-Satanists are so obvious that its ridiculous and you can hardly take them seriously. But when you meet the nice clean-cut man, who seems so courteous and intelligent, you will find yourself confused when I unbutton the top button on my shirt and reveal the Sigil of Baphomet around my neck (that’s the goat head pentagram for the satanically challenged). Now they are truly afraid, for I have not stuck to their plan. They are in unknown territory, and the common man must demonize all that he does not know or understand.

We, the truly Satanic, the truly elite, will never follow the plan of mainstream society. However, we will not necessarily be so obvious as the pseudo-Satanist. Perhaps, its time for pseudo-Satanists to embrace their true selves and return to their original title, “Nerds”. It would definitely alleviate much confusion.

As for the former pseudo-Satanists who are ever so popular in the Christian world, I suppose they will always be around as long as their religion remains. After all, their religion would crumble without an enemy to fight. In order for their god to be real, his foe must be real. In order for the devil to be real, he must have followers in the flesh for the Christians to point fingers at. It is an essential fact, so that the Christians may view themselves as being “not so crazy after all”! But we are quite comfortable with being your “scape-goats”. In fact, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, we’re quite fond of goats.

Those, who are wise, will see through the bullshit. Those, who fall for the pseudo-Satanists trap, will not be missed.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Life's Not Fair

“Life’s not fair” is a commonly used phrase. But it is actually not accurate. Life, or nature, is unaware of the term “fair”. “Fair” is a human concept, created by weaker people in an attempt to level an un-level playing field; the same sort of people who believe that all men are created equally. As a Satanist, I see life, or nature, with an undefiled view of reality rather than painting a fantasy world overtop of all that I see. This viewpoint may make me sometimes seem cold, heartless or unsympathetic, but I would say it merely makes me a realist.

Years ago, I was privileged to see true nature in action. While working in a factory, I was taking my 15 minute break outside the warehouse doors and enjoying the warm spring day. In the yard was a fenced off, electrical substation, in which, a mother rabbit had nested and was now caring for her babies. As I watched, a pair of crows were above the substation and looking for a meal. The crows worked together as a team, diving down at the babies from different angles, while the mother rabbit continuously ran back and forth in an attempt to protect her babies. Eventually, the crows got a hold of one of the babies and flew off to feed. To this day, I’m still not sure if it was the baby rabbit or the mother rabbit that I heard screaming, but it was an awful scream.

Within me there was some sadness, for certainly I could understand how awful it would be to lose a child, or the horror of being carried off by a larger beast only to be fed upon. But I was also filled with awe and wonder. It occurred to me, however, that this was not an isolated incident in nature, but rather, it was only rare for me to witness such an occurrence. The fact of the matter is, incidents such as these happen every day in nature. Had the crows not succeeded in their mission, they and their children could be the ones to suffer. So while the word “fair” may not be familiar to nature, a factor that is always consistent in nature is balance.

Life continues on, the way it should, in nature because of the system of balance. The population of each species is generally controlled by another species. When the population becomes too great, reaching beyond the control of the predators, other catastrophes will assume the predatory role, such as disease and starvation. If the animals who feed upon the rabbits cannot do their job, the numbers of the rabbits become too great and they consume all of their natural resources far too quickly. The result is slowly starving bunnies everywhere. There’s only one species on the planet that does its damnedest to fight nature, and that is humans. But in the end, nature always prevails.

As human beings continue to try to find new ways to extend their lives, and the lives of others, nature must find new ways to knock us down. New diseases, earthquakes, tsunamis and starvation are rampant these days, but they are also necessary. So when some relief agency commercial asks me to send money to starving children in Africa, I see a more realistic viewpoint. If these organizations are so eager to make a difference in the lives of these people, they should be sending birth control.

I’m not unsympathetic to someone who does all that they can, all that they must, to provide for their children. I do understand, and I will do all that I must for my own. But those who believe that we should love everyone in the world, they are making a foolish gesture. I cannot afford love for everyone, and to even attempt so would be very damaging to my psyche when faced with the realities of nature. I can only afford love for my own; those closest to me, who I deem my family and friends.

Life is not fair in accordance with the human definition, but it is fair in the sense of balance. For every new life created, there needs to be a death. For every light, there must be dark. For every good, there must be bad. Such is the way of life.